Midnight in Paris… again.

I’ve accidentally seen the Woody Allen movie, “Midnight in Paris” three times now. I really didn’t want to, it just happened.

Usually I’m watching Pawn Stars, but having to flip channels because, well… you know… Pawn Stars has like 9 minute commercial breaks and there is only a set number of Mesothelioma ads you’re permitted so see during your life before they have to put-you-down.

But then while I’m flipping channels I see Rachel McAdams, and she’s so very cute, so I stop to see what she’s doing… then there’s something about time travel, and this other girl, a very cute brunette with a French accent. That goes along for a while, and just as I start getting bored and I’m about to change channels, I see this REALLY hot French blonde who works at a book store. she’s obviously more model than actor, so I stay for just a little longer to watch her. She likes to walk in the rain, which I think is kinda cool.

Then… suddenly… it’s over and I’ve completely missed whether “The Old Man” lets “Big Hoss” buy the bowling ball cannon.

It just sucks. I feel hollow inside.

How To Lose Weight By Doing Nothing. (No Really!)

(Subtitle: “I like sofas”).

America is in a crisis. We are fat and getting fatter. The CDC says,

“During the past 20 years there has been a dramatic increase in obesity in the United States. In 2009, only Colorado and the District of Columbia had a prevalence of obesity less than 20%.”

In an attempt to demonstrate this trend the graphic design deparment at the CDC created an animated map to show how fat we are. A “Fat Map”! You have to see the coolness of the “Fat Map” in action. Hurry… go there now! http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html

Told you it was cool!

In an effort to help Americans lose weight, and arguably to make a buck, hundreds of millions of words have been strung together about; “How to lose weight”, “What you should not eat”, “How to exercise your way to the perfect fit body”, and “How much bran is needed to poop with the regularity of a Swiss watch maker” (unrelated). But I’m here today to simplify those rules, cut through the malarky, and set you on the true path to the perfect thinner you.

Are you ready?

If you don’t have something to write with, please go and get that now, I’ll wait right here for you. No really, it’s ok. I’ll wait…

Welcome back.  Ok, my rules are pretty simple, but I want to be fair and let you know they must be STRICTLY enforced for this to work. If you cheat, it won’t work. I really don’t care if you cheat, but if you do, you should expect weight gain. So don’t then.

I can tell your getting anxious so let’s get started. Don’t worry, just relax. This won’t be painful, and it REALLY does work.

So, here we go… All set?

Ok. Ehem…

——————— BEGIN WEIGHT LOSS RULES —————————

Rule #1: Ingest fewer calories than you burn, each and every day.*

*(IMPORTANT DISCLAIMER). Although Rule #1 will work all the time for everyone. It’s VERY important to understand that David Jennings is NOT a doctor, a lawyer, a cool foreigner with an accent, or even a marginally reliable person. You should consult a real doctor before doing something stupid like following his lame diet advice. Really. Please. Duh!

———————- END WEIGHT LOSS RULES —————————

Well ok, that’s it. There’s only one rule. Easy huh. You’re welcome. Now, go forth and lose weight! 

Thanks. Bye.









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You still here? You want additional info?  Ok, I know you’re accustom to the rules being really complicated, but actually Rule #1 is all you have to know. But if you are still confused, I’ll try to answer a few of your specific questions below.

Question #1: (from John in Texas)

You idiot! What a moron!! You’re a dumb-ass socialist communist Nazi! This won’t work! 

Answer:

Thanks John! I hear your frustration and understand that being over weight isn’t fun. I mean, it’s fun becoming over weight – you know, with the ice cream and all – but once you’re there it’s pretty much you, not having fun. Right?

Well, my plan follows the basic natural laws of science. Newton’s 5th law of “Pie Hole Management” is what applies in your case. It says, “For a body to stay at rest and lose weight, it must not be acted upon by the force of a drive-thru Bacon Double Cheeseburger with Curly Fries.”

The reality is that we all burn calories all the time. Surprisingly, even while sitting on the sofa just watching a work-out video. The trick is, however, that to lose weight you must NOT consume more calories than your body burns. If you do eat more, your body saves a little and you gain weight. If you eat less, it pulls what it needs from your fat-reserves causing you to lose weight. (See Rule #1 above).

—————-

Question #2: (Suzy in Atlanta)

Dear Mr. Man… this doesn’t work for women.

Answer:

Thanks Suzy. But actually dear, it does. It works for women, men, children, old people, turtles, farm animals, and all semi-aquatic birds. It even works for Republicans, although they will deny it and form a committee to prove you wrong, (see global warming).

—————-

Question #3: (Dwayne in the I.T. Department)

Everybody knows that the Dwarf Nubian Left-Footed Purple-Butted Spider Monkey can eat whatever it wants and still lose weight. It just “thinks” the calories away! So, you’re wrong.

Answer: 

Dwayne. Well, I’m not so sure about that… but *IF* that’s true, I’m sure someone on Oprah’s staff at the OWN Network is working on the “Dwarf Nubian Left-Footed Purple-Butted Spider Monkey Diet”. So, I guess you’re welcome to hold-out for that. If you don’t want to wait, please… (See Rule #1 above).

—————-

Question #4: (Anonymous in California)

I’ve been eating only protein shakes for a year now, and doing psycho therapeutic cranial massages, but I’m still gaining weight. How many asparagus turkey-burgers can be eaten in the 24 hours prior to a psycho massage? Help!

Answer:

Dear Anon. Please review rule #1 above, I believe you’re over thinking this a bit.

Because most everything you eat these days is clearly labeled with a calorie count, your only real issue might be knowing how many calories you burn? To answer that you should do a web search for “What’s my BMR” (Base Metabolic Rate). Your BMR will give you a starting place to know how many calories you burn while doing nothing. Start your diet by only ingesting food (AND beverages) equal to that many calories each day.

IMPORTANT NOTE: Those silly little online BMR calculators aren’t very accurate. So after a week, if your weight is still going up, ingest less. If it goes down, you’re on the right track. If you’re suddenly as thin as Charlie Sheen and start every sentence with “Winning”, you should find a different calculator, you may have been using the CSCC (Charlie Sheen Cocaine Calculator). Also… See Rule #1 above.

—————-

Question #5: (Big Doug in Baltimore)

I daily jog 15 miles, do 1000 push-ups, and sit in a steam-bath for 45 minutes after my 2 hour work-out, but I’m still gaining weight. What can I do?

Answer:

Dear Big Doug, You’re focusing too much effort on the “How much you burn” part. You should refocus your efforts toward the “How much you ingest” part. Please… (See BOTH parts, of Rule #1 above).

—————-

Thanks everyone for playing, “Lose Weight While Doing Nothing”! Now…, go get skinny!

My Take on WikiLeaks

A concept conceived cannot be contained. Whether right or wrong, the intellectual concept that is “WikiLeaks” has been released and will continue to grow unfettered.

I say that not to vindicate or accuse Julian Assange, he is just another modern peddler of private information. But because of Mr. Assange the rules have changed. No longer will private information be passed under the desk to a courier, or sold to a broker in search of power. Now anyone, with two words to rub together, can go online and release it to the world for free, and instantaneously. 

Governments around the world are rushing to accuse, prosecute and confine Mr. Assange, but it is too late. The genie is out of the bottle, the axe has fallen, the times have changed, the milk has been spilled. Julian Assange is no longer the problem or even a path to a solution. There is no solution. WikiLeaks was inevitable, possibly even foreseeable. From the first moment a Web browser was launched, it was only a matter of time until it was used to disseminate information that someone else did not want to be released. 

The solution we seek is counterintuitive, radical, and will probably scare the bejesus out of every government on earth. The difficult truth is, there are no more secrets. We should let the information go, and know that there was nothing we could have done to hide it in the first place. We can no longer assume information is secret and undiscoverable. Governments, corporations, and even citizens must now learn to exist in a world where anything they say, anywhere they go, any document they sign, or any secret they have, no matter how insignificant, can instantly be available for anyone in the world to view.

I understand the need for privacy. I’m not advocating that all information should be public. But individuals and governments can no longer assume that private information will remain private simply because they wish it to be.

For now the dangers are still many. If even one entity holds and keeps secrets, then none are safe. But when all information is in the open and easily accessible, the rules quickly change. The floodgates have only now been opened, the flood water of information is just beginning its rampage downstream. But as technology grows and information networks continue to expand exponentially, there will come a time when the information flows calmly, because secrets can no longer be dammed behind a high wall of privacy.

Hillary Clinton’s response to the release of hundreds of thousands of confidential diplomatic cables on WikiLeaks was to say, “It’s an attack on the international community… Such leaks tear at the fabric of responsible government.” As much as I respect Ms. Clinton, her response was incorrect. In the future we will not have the luxury of accusing the whistle-blower, instead we will have to say, “Go research the documents yourself and you will discover that the United States behaved admirably and in the best interest of all.” or possibly “This information has revealed practices and procedures that we regret and are now attempting to remedy.” 

WikiLeaks is a turning point in human history. We are moving from a time when everyone held a rock in one hand while they shook-hands of friendship with the other. Once all information is public and all secrets are known, then evil people seeking to behave unjustly will have little room to hide. Their rock will be exposed. Perhaps the knowledge that no bribe can be hidden and that no evil plan can not be uncovered will influence some future dictator — or democratically elected official — to behave in a manner that is fare and just for all, and not just for themselves?

Mr. Assange and WikiLeaks are not the problem, just the inevitable next step in the information revolution. In some future history lesson about “The Information Age”, WikiLeaks will be a heading on page two.

A concept conceived cannot be contained. Whether right or wrong, the intellectual concept that is “WikiLeaks” has been released and will continue to grow unfettered.

Religion and Politics

I received this note from the American Humanist Association (to which I am a member). I thought it worthy of distribution.

——————

We at the American Humanist Association have been closely monitoring the outrageous statements and actions from religious conservatives this election season. And what we’ve seen is disturbing.

Like the statement by Rep. John Fleming, reelected in Louisiana, who characterized the 2010 elections as a choice between becoming an “atheist society” and remaining a “Christian Nation.”

Or consider the re-election of Rep. Michele Bachmann in her Minnesota congressional district. She once stated, “What a bizarre time we’re in when a judge will say to little children that you can’t say the Pledge of Allegiance, but you must learn that homosexuality is normal and you should try it.”

And with successes by Tea Party affiliated candidates in Florida, Wisconsin, and Pennsylvania, we’ll be up against some of the worst religious political extremists. To illustrate, in a recent poll 47% of Tea Party adherents stated that they believe the Bible is the literal word of God, while 55% stated that they believe the U.S. is currently a Christian nation.

As we look into a new political era with people like these holding powerful positions, and with religion so entrenched in American society, we must step up our efforts to promote humanism. 

This rhetoric from the Religious Right are troubling. Even worse is the fact that six justices of the United States Supreme Court recently attended the so-called Red Mass in Washington, DC, before the start of the new court term in October, where they listened to a radical Archbishop sermonize against abortion rights, marriage equality, and specifically humanism.

Imagine that for a moment: six of the most powerful people in the United States listening to a diatribe against our positive worldview and values as humanists!

The good news is that your AHA is pushing back. Our legal center is keeping up the fight for separation of church and state in the courts with a case in Arizona to prevent tax money from going to religious schools and filing an amicus brief challenging the National Day of Prayer.

And I’m excited to launch the AHA’s newest nationwide advertisements—set to be formally announced early next week—which will be our biggest campaign yet.

We as humanists, atheists, and other freethinkers have made great progress over recent years, but there is no doubt—the Religious Right is gaining new ground. This election has made our work even more difficult, but if we work together, I know we’re up for the challenge.

Exploration

One of the most thought provoking articles I have read recently was from a posting on Kurzweil.net (an interesting site unto itself). http://www.kurzweilai.net/to-boldly-go-a-one-way-human-mission-to-mars

Kurzweil daily finds articles from across the web that shed light on the exponential growth of technology. (The original article from “Journal of Cosmology” is available, but be warned that it may make your eyes bleed due to the horrible 90’s graphics http://journalofcosmology.com).

This article explores the idea that if we humans are really interested in traveling beyond earth, setting up outpost on the moon, or settlements on Mars, then we need to stop worrying about how to return from each trip.  Like the original American colonist, or wagon trains to the West, we need to go with the intention of staying and surviving there, and not just for a short excursion.

Apparently a great percentage of our problem is not getting to these locations, but sending enough gear, fuel, and technology to return.  If we could side step that whole idea and just plan on staying (with frequent shipments being sent via unmanned supply ships) then the solar system will open up much more rapidly for humanity. 

I have to admit I like this concept. It really stirs the imagination and gives us new ways to think about traveling beyond the earth. 

Source: kurzweilai.net

Tweetgazr (update)

Just a short note…

Design and development for TweetGazr is already in the early stages. If any of you are interested in having a say and providing feedback I welcome your input. I obviously won’t be listing everything out in a public setting like Tumblr, but if you want to contact me directly I will be happy to include you in the discussions. 

There is a Contact Form on my website and is probably the best way to contact me without putting my email out there for the spambots to find. 

http://www.bauartcreative.com/contact-us.html

Thanks!

TweetGazr (in progress)

I’ve decided to just start working on designs for a new Twitter Aggregator that replicates, and improves upon, the functionality of some of the other sites like FavStar.

My new site will have ZERO content filtering. I promise! (Other than removing Justin Bieber and annyoing celebrity tweets from the homepage).

The name I’ve chosen is TweetGazr. (Don’t bother looking for it online yet, there is nothing there).  

When the time comes I would *really* enjoying having a select group of my Twitter friends help with testing and feedback. You have all been a great support group and have provided many laughs. I’ll certainly find someway to reciprocate with free lifetime memberships, or other similar site gifts.

I look forward to any and all feedback you may want to provide.

Tumblring around

I’ve turned off the automatic post from Twitter to Tumblr. I figure those of you who know me from Twitter have already seen the tweets, and the few others from Facebook will have seen them twice. So, I’ll instead try to post something more topical here. 

So Tumblr then hey?  Is it just me or is their UI (User Interface) confusing as hell? Following others, adding comments, “Liking”, all just seem to behave oddly… maybe it just takes time to get used to it?

Thoughts Re: FavStar:

I have been watching the antics and just don’t know what to make of it?  I have REALLY loved the whole FavStar site and setup, up until the recent switch, but now… now I don’t know.

I saw Tim’s post that he was going to return to the old layout where there was no NSFW notice and no RT requirement. That seems like a great idea, I just didn’t understand the need to make the changes in the first place?

Let’s face it… FavStar is a social site and shouldn’t be viewed at work anyway. So, if the warning is needed, put it right at the top main entry point of the site, like a porn site. But in my opinion labeling content NSFW is draconian.  The weird part of the new system is that if I compose a tweet about puppy dogs and kitty cats, (that happens to get 10+ stars and 2 RTs), it will show-up in the NSFW category right next to the penis jokes. Really?

Seems like the answer, if policing content is the goal, is to just add site filters and be done with it. But on the flip side… WTF, just let people write and do whatever content they like. If Twitter doesn’t care, why should FavStar care? If you filter comedy down to “happy jokes” then everything will sound like Jay Leno. Hell the most trusted name in news these days is Jon Stewart, and the Daily Show is wall to wall bleeps. Nobody cares. (That’s an idea, maybe FavStar can replace each curse word with an “XXX” in the text. Just a written version of the audio bleep. /s)

Maybe he’s trying to sell the site and needs to tone it down? Maybe he is a conservative christian? Maybe he has little children and his wife gives him shit about the language? Maybe the site is just a toy and he plays god with it? I really don’t know, and really don’t care. But from where I sit over here on the bleachers it just kinda looks like a mess right now. Like I said, I’m just confused by the whole thing.

I’m a designer and have developer buddies. I guess I could just rebuild the whole site concept and give it a go. (Anybody support that idea?) FavStar wasn’t the first Twitter aggregator, I’m sure it won’t be the last. I always liked FavStar, and even purchased a membership. I just haven’t seen the need, up until now, to reinvent it.

Thanks for stopping by!